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[May 04, 2007 | 12:09 AM] |
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I wish people understood me better... or I thought more like them because my life would be a lot easier. How lame is that?
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[December 19, 2006 | 09:21 PM] |
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Hey Baby - Briskeby |
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I've never felt this feeling before. It's so powerful. It's a feeling of desire and even frustration... this being over a person... that scares me. But at the same time I love it.
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[December 11, 2006 | 09:09 PM] |
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Feels like I'm Already Flying - Bel Canto |
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I feel bad that I am rather sick of Julia lately. Again, her constant complaining and vicious rants about trivial things has really gotten to me. Sometimes I wish I could just pop her in the mouth and hope she realizes she's not above getting told to stfu.
There's this ornament on our tree that reminds me of rich ladies who wear saphire dresses and have thick diamond bracelets.
A lot of nights I just call Kristi when I know she's sleeping because she says she likes it when I call her in the middle of the night. Our conversations aren't about anything intelligent and when I'm getting points across she just agrees with me and doesn't give any input. I like that Julia at least argues with me no matter how silly her opinions might be. I don't know if I would rather have someone to stimulate my mind more if it's better this way. I can't help loving her so much though.
Julia really wants this job at the library and I know she's more qualified than I am and everything and I'm not even going to apply because that's just not nice. But I'm angry about it. I'm angry it because when she talks about it she has this look in her eyes that says "I deserve this more than you anyway." Why? Why the fuck do you think you are better than me and deserve to have a job more than I do? That just makes me so mad.
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[December 06, 2006 | 10:07 PM] |
Haha, the LJ them for Season's Greetings has the northern lights. Lol, k.
The movie Gia is fucking amazing. It was so intense... I really just want to watch it again.
I can't kiss my girlfriend. This is pathetic. She can't even wrap her arms all the way around me.
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[November 28, 2006 | 10:48 PM] |
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I liked it better when Julia and Kristi weren't talking. Now they make all these plans together and I hate it. I really really hate it.
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| Ba ba black sheep. |
[November 07, 2006 | 03:03 AM] |
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music |
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To Die For - The Birthday Massacre |
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Today Kristi told me how happy she was that she was with me. It totally made me smile.
I wish I could be more physical with her than I am. Every time I start kissing her or I move my hand down her stomach I get so scared. There is no reason to be frightened of this contact. If she touches my tummy or any part of my body I am not comfortable with I start freaking out and want to run away. When will I be comfortable with her? What is my problem?
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| What will bring me home? |
[November 03, 2006 | 02:00 AM] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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Here Comes the Sun - The Beatles |
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Chris is becoming a dick the more and more I talk to him. Especially when he's on substances. I wish I could just punch him. Plus he'll take stuff without even knowing what it is and he does it ALL THE TIME. Like right now I think his friend put acid in his drink. He's seeing shit.
My throat is really sore and I'm afraid I'm getting sick like Jesse. Oh god I hope not. VITAMINS!
I saw Zack today and that was pretty special. I'll be sickly attracted and in love with him the rest of my time knowing him. Even though I have Kristi I think about him all the time. I wish Lesel wasn't around because she feels like a threat for no reason. More of a nuisance actually. Haha, a bunch of fat chicks chasing after a boy who fucks boys and is really skinny. Messed up much? Yeah, it's so pathetic.
Tomorrow I am probably going to see Saw III with him, Kristi, and Julia. I wish it was just me and him. Omfg, shut up Kat.
I held Kristi's hand and watched him get off the couch and I stared at his butt. I have a girlfriend and I'm sitting her obsessing over a guy who doesn't even like me.
Zack cried today while we were watching Click. It was awesome.
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| Another baby another whore. |
[October 18, 2006 | 12:52 AM] |
I want to tell myself that someone would be lucky to have me but I can't. Because it isn't true.
Fuckin' A I need to cry. What the hell? I'll probably burst into tears because of a car insurance commerical or something one day. Just watch.
Wow, I wish I could just forget about Zack and get on with my life.
My sister got a kitten and I really really really really really miss having a kitten and having a pet. It's so damn lonely here without anything fuzzy to cuddle with. I get a crazy little brown monkey that talks to chase and that's it.
Lesel knows Zack likes her better and she thinks about it, I can tell. I'm not just imagining it. Her and I are a lot alike when it comes to that sort of thing. She likes to rub it in my face... what a bitch.
My insides are all twisted and tight and I'm frustrated with my life for no reason.
CUNT
BITCH
FUCK
COCK
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